Arena
Grief-stricken
after the death of his wife in a car accident, mild-mannered fireman/paramedic
David Lord (Twilight hunk Kellan Lutz) heads down Mexico-way to drink himself
to death and take his mind of the whole dead wife thing by screwing mysterious,
beautiful women he meets in sleazy neon-lit bars.
However,
when he meets the mysterious, beautiful Milla (Katia Winter) in a sleazy,
neon-lit bar, the screwing he gets isn’t the one he’s hoping for and, before
you can say duplicitous bitch, she’s zapped him unconscious with a stun gun, he’s tied to
a stretcher and kidnapped by some faceless thugs and shipped off to a warehouse
cum state-of-the-art prison where half-naked, masked, oiled beefcake
executioner Kaden (Johnny Messner) informs him that his new name will be
Deathdealer and his new job is to survive. David has been ‘headhunted’ by illicit Internet snuff show
Death Games, a live, modern-day, gladiatorial arena where desperate men fight
to the death for the amusement of its international web audience of Japanese
salarymen and American fratboys.
Initially
reluctant to fight, David is offered a deal by self-proclaimed “man behind the
curtain,” Logan (Samuel L. Jackson in full-on panto villain mode), the
puppet-master who controls the show; survive 10 fights and win your
freedom. David agrees and pretty
soon Deathdealer is an Internet phenomenon, worshipped by literally dozens
around the globe as he hacks and slashes his way to freedom. But with the odds stacked against him
can David survive?
Let’s
get this out of the way right now before you read any further: ARENA IS CRAP!
Seriously.
This
movie is stupid.
It’s
the kind of film that usually stars a has-been wrestler and Vinnie Jones, not a
tween heartthrob and an Academy Award nominee.
It
doesn’t make a lick of sense. It’s
dumber than two kittens fighting in a tumble dryer and a helluva lot more
savage with its hunky antihero forced to use all manner of clubs, knives,
swords, axes, hatchets and power tools in his visceral fight to survive. It’s almost comically grotesque; limbs
and heads are chopped off, skulls are cleaved open, bones are broken and
shattered, flesh is ripped and torn and the masochistic Lutz soaks up some
pretty serious pain, forced to rely on his paramedic training to keep body and
soul together, sewing and staple-gunning himself back together after every
bout.
The
plot is nonsense, the dialogue risible.
Despite every geek on the planet watching and betting on the Games over
the Internet, the CIA, the FBI and MI6 can’t track down and bust the arena even
though all they have to do is open a window and listen out for shouty,
grandstanding Samuel L. Jackson as he chews the scenery like it’s beef jerky,
while his 2 Japanese lesbian dominatrix assistants keep things running
smoothly. Messner is about as
threatening as Pete Burns in a burqa as the film’s masked baddie, Lutz is a
pleasingly attractive slab of beef who acquits himself well in the film’s
gratuitously violent scenes of carnage despite seeming just a little too young,
pretty and petulant to be a glowering anti-hero and Winter looks great with her
clothes off. Which is lucky as
it’s all she really has to do. The
film borrows (steals) from movies like The Running Man and Death Race and
despite being based on a screenplay by Michael Hultquist & Robert Martinez,
writers of 2010’s enjoyably nasty Victim (a torture-porn The Skin I Live In),
the script doesn’t have a tenth of the wit or intelligence of Richard Laymon’s
gruesome little short story The Champion which did the same job in half a dozen
pages.
But
what’s most annoying about Arena is it’s kinda fun. Sorta enjoyable.
A pretty decent night-in with a few beers and a curry type of film. The fight scenes are good, the violence
is visceral and gory, the protagonists, for the most part, are easy on the
eye. It’s undemanding, comic-book
entertainment and, despite a truly crap 11th hour twist, Arena does
what it sets out to do; it entertains.
Especially if you’re drunk when you watch it. Next time your significant other is out for the evening, get
yourself a six-pack and a pizza and watch it.
David Watson
Director
Jonah Loop
Writers
Tony Giglio based on a screenplay by Michael Hultquist &
Robert Martinez
Cast
Kellan Lutz, Samuel L. Jackson, Katia Winter, Johnny
Messner, Daniel Dae Kim, James Remar, Nina Dobrev
Country
USA
Running time
94 minutes
Year
2011
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